A beautiful mind

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Irresponsibly responsible

This is impressive. Even I'm impressed by myself. My ideas and thoughts that I once shared with Amanda and friends under the stars in the botanic garden were actually reflected in a book that I've yet to read. Amazingly, the book kinda managed to put 'my'/ those thoughts into words. It's really difficult because you really wanna put it across in a simple to understand way so that people can relate to the concept/idea easier. Its difficult to put concepts/thoughts into words, like how it is from words into action. Imagine you have a set of thinking, which no one concur yet, but in fact, there was actually a theory behind backing your very own theory! Peculiar happenings. I'm starting to wonder if we even think alike.

Next, I wanna talk about the issue of fear and procrastination.
It dawned on me recently that I have a tendency to be irresponsible. Not in that sense. Of course I know I'm fully responsible for myself, my own learning and my life. In fact, I do not deem lightly of the issue for I see the great importance of taking charge of our own lives. To such an extent that I refused to be responsible.. for the life of others. And that probably explains why I hesitate about giving tuition, helping out in leadership programmes and other stuff that may involve others' lives.

In 'that place', we try to 'touch' people's lives. But what position am I in to touch your life when I haven touched my own? Its like teaching one thing and doing another. I wanna be true. to myself and to others. Similarly for tuition. No offence to my frens giving tuition. But personally, in my case, I often wonder who am I to teach you when I cant even help myself out in my own studies! It's such an irony! In other words, I don wanna screw up anyone's life! On the other hand, if I had the chance to inspire you but I didnt. Whose loss will it be? I used to think I was born as a catalyst. To help/facilitate someone to grow in their life. But am I?

I reflected and realised that I've been turning away from my responsibilties. Probably as a fren, son, brother, facilitator, the chance to be a cadet inspector and all other potential responsibilities! I wonder if I should ponder as much; If I was born to ponder. I wonder if I'll ever figure it out.

If you think about it sometimes, you'll probably realise, it may not be wise to think about all this. Afterall, decisions in life and life itself can be pretty insignificant for it has all already somehow been decided. On the contrary, I came across some inspiring lines yesterday, taken from Steve Jobs. I hope it inspires some of you. Goes something like this.

" Life is brilliant in such a way, it invented death. Death clears the old and introduces the new. For now, you are the new but one day, you will be old and cleared away. So cherish the limited times you have and make something out of it. Dont waste it, living someone's elses life. Dont be trapped by dogma which is living the result of other people's thinking. Dont let the noise of other people's opinion drown out your own inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition cos they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else. is secondary."

On the sidenote, I think I'm hitting one of my New year resolutions-to be more expressive and rich in emotions. I'm feeling angry, sad, happy, unhappy, happy like every 30mins and the cycle continues. Woo hoo! not too bad~~ Basket, why is this happening.

Ps: Had a good dream last night, HAHAHA right wanping? ;P if you're still reading this.